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Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Perfect American Idol Finale

As some of you may already know by now, I kind of despise Adam Lambert, the kid who is apparently the 'front runner' this season on American Idol.

Last night, the top 2 was revealed as Adam and Kris Allen.

Obviously I'm rooting for Kris, who is a better singer, more commercially relevant, more attractive and less screechy.

No one knows for sure how the finale will turn out, but here are three possible scenarios for Tuesday night's finale.

1. After weeks and weeks of screeching, Adam loses his voice right before Tuesday's finale.

To replace him, the producers will naturally reach out to Danny Gokey, who made it to the Top 3. However, Gokey will already have a record deal and won't want to come back. Allison Iraheta (top 4) will also not return, as she has a gig Tuesday night in the local department store. The producers will keep trying and eventually secure Jasmine Murray.

Jasmine was the first contestant sent home this season and will be the only contestant willing to come back.

So the finale will be:

Yeah, and we know how that will play out. Kris wins!!

2. Remember these pictures of Adam that leaked shortly after he appeared on Idol?

Well, on Monday night, the person who leaked them will leak the OTHER photos taken during this session.... Yes, a nude photo scandal will take place!

The producers will be forced to kick Adam out of the competition, since they did the same to poor Frenchie Davis.

When they are unable to convince the other members of the top 13 to come back (in this alternate scenario, Jasmine Murray's phone fell in the ocean and she will not get the call) the producers will fix an error they made during the Wild Card round....

They will bring back Tatiana DelToro.

Instead of declaring either Kris OR Tatiana the winner, the two will BOTH win the competition and record a CD of duets.

3. Right before Tuesday's show, Adam will run to the local Rite Aid to grab some gallons of make-up. But when he gets to the make-up aisle, he'll realize that he can not go on stage to compete in the finale....

When Adam refuses to go on stage without his CoverGirl, the producers will run around looking for the make-up he needs. However, I will have stopped all the CoverGirl delivery trucks and no make-up will go out that day.

When the producers are forced to find a replacement, they will think:
"Who is another performer who we have called theatrical in the past?" Of course, they will think of Syesha Mercado, from season 7 of American Idol.

They will then remember how unfair the judges were to this goddess; the judges called her 'theatrical' like it was a bad thing (unlike Adam......) and when she sang the best note ever while performing Fantasia Barrino's "I Believe," the judges told her she shouldn't sing that song because she is not Fantasia -- aka she is beautiful, literate and has a soothing singing voice.

Naturally, Syesha will come back and although Kris will end up winning, Syesha will be remembered by record label executives, get a record deal and sell more CDs than Clay Aiken Carrie Underwood.

So, as is clear from any of these scenarios, Kris Allen needs to win American Idol!

Think of it this way - if he wins, he will definitely be the most attractive male idol winner!

So remember, next Tuesday, whether you watch the show or not,


Jere Keys said...

How much do I hate this show? Can't I just vote for Richard Parker?

Chris D. said...

I don't watch AI. So I don't know whats going on. I think this Kris guy looks a bit like you, particularly in the checked photo. If he wins maybe people will mistake you for him and ask for your autograph all the time. ;)

Ryan said...

I've never watched American Idol despite having a large number of artists from the Idol franchise in my music collection (albums by Will Young, Gareth Gates, Darius Danesh, Kurt Nilsen, Kelly Clarkson, Jim Verraros, Chris Daughtry, and David Archuleta plus songs by Carrie Underwood and Clay Aiken).

I have to agree that Kris would be the most attractive male American Idol winner.

Michelle M. said...

Tatiana was taken from us too soon. To think of all the many interpretations of "Saving All My Love For You" we never got to hear (the country version, the disco version...).

I think Adam is entertaining, but I don't care for his voice. So I'm going to vote with Jere.

Tam said...

You have an active imagination, I'll give you that. LOL I've never seen the show but have to agree Ryan (and you), he'd be the cutest idol (male or female I think). I hope one of your scenarios plays out to your satisfaction.

Polt said...

Enrickyricardo, sweetheart, I think it more likely that you'd be on stage VS. Kris than any of your possible scenarios...but a kid's gotta dream right? So i hope it all works out for you.

Although I actually don't, cause I haven't watched Idol since the travesty that WAS Daughtry getting kicked off leaving the other three losers behind, and therefore I haven't heard any of these people sing, couldn't even pick 'em out of lineup. However, I'm kinda rooting for Adam just so we can get our first 'out' gay American Idol.

but really, deep down, I don't care who wins.


Anonymous said...

oh god katy perry is going to hunt you down along with the gays

they can't get enough of the kid

David said...

Why do you hate America?

hoteltuesday said...

Jere: That would have been a great 4th scenario! You should by my consultant.

Chris: I look like Kris?!?! That's the best compliment ever.

Ryan: The only ones I actually listen to are Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer Hudson (and I have some Kris songs in my iTunes as well). And of course I have Leona Lewis, from the British competition X-Factor. She's an amazing singer.

Michelle: Stop mocking the best idol contestant ever. Watch, one day her album will be number one on the Billboard charts....

Tam: You have a point with the male or female thing. I think Carrie Underwood and Kelly and Jordin are pretty, but yeah, Kris is probably prettier than all of them.

Polt: NOOOOOO!! I'm afraid a lot of people are thinking this way. Adam shouldn't get votes just for being gay, just as Obama should have been voted on based on his political strengths, not the color of his skin. And yes, I did just compare American Idol and the presidential election.

Nick-Nifty: Oh how Katy Perry disappointed me. I was listening to "Thinking of You" every few minutes and just starting to like "Waking Up in Vegas." But after that cape, I just can't listen anymore.

David: Huh?

Michelle M. said...

I was being completely serious. That girl was pure entertainment.

Ryan said...

Enrico: If we want to outside the Idol franchise, I also have Shayne Ward from X Factor and Hear'Say, Liberty X, One True Voice, and Phixx from Popstars.

that's J-O-S-H said...

i adore this entry and agree whole-heartedly. adam is the king of suck and kris allen makes my body quiver with happiness. and lil' rounds was mad disappointing and i am starting to feel that jasmine might have been a better contender.

though i doooo miss megan joy and hope she and her tattz bring the raspy-toned sass to the finale.