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Monday, June 22, 2009

Ain't Got No

As all youngest children know, God gives us siblings just so that they can embarrass us whenever possible. Since I have THREE older siblings, I have a lot of interesting/embarrassing/tragic stories from childhood.

Here is one I'm SURE I'll never forget....

(As usual, I am played by Shia LaBeouf and TJ is played by Mariah Carey. My father is played by James Gandolfini. And his way of speaking is hard to transcribe, but I tried. lol.)

One day, my siblings were getting ready to visit my aunt and uncle.
My father looked us over to make sure we didn't look like 'the garbage people' and was not pleased with my hairdo.

After crying (I often cry when someone yells at me), I made my way to the bathroom so I could brush my hair.
But my sister TJ suddenly piped up.

After trying to brush down my cowlick for like 15 minutes, my sister gave up and decided to use a different method to control my wild mane.

I still don't know why I ever let my sister get the scissors when she was supposed to be BRUSHING my hair.
Hey, what can I say? I was a very trusting child.
So anyway, she only snipped a few strands, but my father came in and basically had a heart attack. He said she ruined my hair and decided that their was only one solution.

So he SHAVED my head.

As my papa shaved off all my locks, I just cried a thousand storms, flooding the bathroom in the process. When he was done, I put on a baseball cap, ran into the other bathroom in the house and locked myself in.

My father tried to get me to come out.

Well we obviously know that didn't happen. He still got me to go to my aunt's house that day. But no one could get me to take off my hat!
Luckily, my hair grows back very fast, so I didn't have to walk around bald for too long.

At the time, I was obviously really mad/embarrassed. But now that I think about it, TJ only did me a favor by being the catalyst for my shaved head.

Now I have something in common with my favorite pop star.


Jere Keys said...

I'm actually listening to Hair right now (which isn't as random as it seems, because I've been listening to it for 2 weeks in my OCD way with Broadway musicals).

Not everyone can pull off the chrome dome look. It's nice that you tried.

hoteltuesday said...

Jere: Yes! My first commenter got the title. I was gonna name it "Ain't Got No... Hair" but thought it was too obvious.
And while not everyone can pull off the chrome dome look, few can do it as well as you do.

Chris D. said...

That is quite a story. My sister is younger than me, fortunately she never tried to cut my hair. I don't think I have ever had a shaved head or a really short crew cut.

I am pretty sure that I never caused my little sister too much grief. I think the worst I did was to scare her a little after she watched a scary movie. When we were little I had a friend who pretended to flush me down the toilet. Somehow that trick actually worked more than once. I think I was a good brother on the whole. She was the one to cause me grief! ;)

Adam said...

Ack! I've always been afraid that If i shaved it off, It'd never grow back. Nearly every man in my family goes bald ... so I refuse to tempt fate, even a little bit!

Too bad there are no photos of your shaven dome!

Nathan V. said...

I refuse to try the bald look. As far as I'm concerned, I'll probably have ample time later in life to rock the bald look, so my hair is staying firmly on my scalp until then.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!! For some reason I liked cutting my siblings hair!! Don't forget I got Gabi once also! But I tried to glue her hair back on, she then got stuck with a mullet! opps!

john said...

I have nine older siblings. I never had my head shaved, but my oldest brother liked to tease me and he would often wrestle me. One day he had me in a scissor hold, that is until I bit his leg. He never did that again. I think I was 5 at the time.

Aside from that, no real stories. By the time I was born my parents had pretty much figured parenting out.

Oh, and "the garbage people" makes me laugh.

Ryan said...

I don't think I've ever had to wipe out my hair and start over as the best fix to a hair problem. My elementary school buzz cuts were completely intentional.

Polt said...

Eh, coulda been worse: you coulda taken an umbrella to a car and been the catalyst for that.

As an only child I never had anyone else to cut or shave my hair. 'Cept for mom. She always cut it into a simple bowl cut when I was little...which can be jsut as traumatic as a shaved head in certain circumstances.


hoteltuesday said...

Chris D.: Flushed down the toilet?! that worked?! It's hilarious and terrible at the same time.

Adam: Yeah, you'll probably go bald when you reach 45 years old. Aka next year.

Nathan: True. And the men in my family all have hair even when they're very old. And I have really thick hair now, so I think I'll be good for a while.

TJ: I know! Too bad I was too young/not alive for that one! If Gabi makes a blog, she should tell that story.

John: That's funny. My brother was actually the biter of the family. I'm pretty sure he's bitten all of us, several times.

Ryan: It totally wasn't neccessary. My dad is just crazy.

Polt: You rocked a bowl cut as a child? That's pretty great. It's like your mother was your older sibling, there to embarrass you :P
Though I'm sure bowl cuts were all the rage when you were young.

Ryan said...

Polt: My aunt is a stylist, so all of my early hair cuts were professional and non-traumatic.

Michelle M. said...

Garbage people!! I rememeber you posted about the garbage people once before. It still cracks me up.

Was never bald. My mom forced me into a "pixie" cut when I was 6. I had that unfortunate hairstyle for 4 years. I am still plottimg my revenge.

hoteltuesday said...

Michelle M: Yeah, I remember you liked the garbage people last time.
And pixie haircuts are cute! Sometimes. Find a picture and send it to me so I can judge. And I think a pixie haircut for 4 years is better than Power Ranger sneakers for 4+ years....

that's J-O-S-H said...

OMGAWDZ...I have a cowlick that I tried to cut off like a million times. I just coat it down with a slather of hair product. Yumz!

Tam said...

It wasn't a sibling who cut my hair but a teacher. I'm still traumatized to this day. I used to chew on a piece of my hair and my Grade 2 teacher (Mrs. Baskier the bitch) kept threatening me and telling me to stop. I didn't even realize I was doing it and one day she noticed and she grabbed the hair and cut off a chunk I was chewing on. I was devastated. It didn't ruin the style (classy Grade 2 hair style) but I was just so embarrassed. Mind you, this is the same teacher who would give kids the strap in front of the whole class. I still see her periodically when I go back to visit my parents. Still can't stand her.

Anonymous said...

Love Britney =)