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Saturday, September 19, 2009

Female Versions of Hustlas '09

Did y'all watch Divas 2009 on VH1 the other night??
If not, don't worry: I invited over my bff Josh and watched it for you.

If you don't know what VH1 Divas is, here's a quick history lesson.
From 1998-2004, VH1 brought a gaggle of Divas together on one stage to see if they would get into cat fights and help VH1 get higher ratings. In their first run, they had all the biggest divas on, including Mariah, Aretha, Celine, Cher, Brandy, Whitney, Beyoncé, Diana Ross, RuPaul, Chaka Khan, Elton John and a bunch of others. (While they did have Stevie on for a duet with the Dixie Chicks, she never got to headline! ROBBED!)

Anyway, in 2004, they decided to add Jessica Simpson and The Pussycat Dolls to the Divas line-up and no one watched (duh) and the show disappeared for 5 years.

Well last Friday, it was back in full force!
The chosen Divas were:
Jennifer Hudson
Kelly Clarkson
Leona Lewis
Miley Cyrus
Jordin Sparks

Here's what went down.

Ex-American Idol judge Paula Abdul was the host of the event. She started out by lip-syncing her biggest hits (not including "Here For the Music" or "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow").

Sorry, I love Paula and am VERY sad that she won't be returning to Idol this year, but she should find a career path that does not involve comedy in any way.... Her joke delivery just didn't work and the whole thing felt awkward.

For example, she was at one point blessed with the presence of my wife Kathy Griffin.

And she awkwardly joked about how Kathy always talks about her and Kathy was thinking "This is why I make fun of you" but it was live so Kathy had to control her urges.

And that wasn't even the worst of it. Paula stumbled over to the front of the stage and starting wailing about how there was girl in the audience that she recognized. So Lucille II came on stage and awkward dialogue ensued for like three hours.

Eventually, Lucille II just stole Paula's shoes and bounced before her vertigo came back.

So anyway, aside from Paula's bad hosting job, the show was pretty good!

Things started with Jennifer Hudson, who did not sing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." Since she didn't sing our favorite song, Josh and I just talked about how weird her outfit looked.

Then, goddess Kelly Clarkson performed a beautiful, acoustic-like version of her song, "Halo pt. 2 (Already Gone)."

I loved the arrangement! And Kelly's performance altogether! She's so talented.

I think something else happened after that, and then Adele took the stage!

I'm so glad VH1 decided to include Adele in the line-up, since she's mostly known as a UK singer. I think she's so talented (especially when you consider that her CD came out when she was 19, yet sounds like something written by someone much older) and I can't wait for new music from Adele.

Leona Lewis performed her new single "Happy," which is decent but nowhere as good as "Bleeding Love." I normally love Leona, but something was missing in this performance.

Despite her amazing vocals, the performance was kind of boring since Leona didn't express any emotions.

The final Divette to perform was Miley!!!

Miley made up for the fact that she does not have the same vocal capabilities as Kelly, Adele, Leona, Jordin, and J.Hud by being the first Diva who seemed to have fun during her performance. People knock Miley all the time, but it's hard to deny that she is a great performer.

VH1 invited a few special guests to the stage to perform in duets.

Some were amazing.

Some were... unbalanced.

And one was kind of mystifying! They had Miley perform "If It Makes You Happy" with Sheryl Crow, and for some reason made the innocent teen sing the "I still get stoned" line!!

OH! And did I mention who else showed up? Some of the attractive cast members of True Blood!

But not Eric :(

So anyway, despite a few boring performances and one giant mistake in the line-up.... Divas was pretty good! I'm excited to see what they do next year. Who do you think will be invited to perform?

P.S. Isn't that a great group shot? Kelly and Jordin are making fun of American Idol, Adele and Leona are making fun of Americans, Miley is being ignored, and Jennifer Hudson is about to start crying.


Polt said...

I think they should have titled this Diva Wannabes. Come on, despite thinking themselves Divas, there's not a true diva in the lineup.

I saw the first Divas show, and still recall with shivers and joy how at the end, they were all out there singing and Aretha outshown them all. Celine, gloryhound that she is, tried to out diva her, but the Queen Of Soul isn't named thatfor nothing and effortlessly sang right over her and showed her her place in the order of things. As it should be.

While this might have been a good show, there's not one there even worthy of holding Aretha's microphone. :) Glad you enjoyed it though!

And by the way, Kathy may be your wife, but she's MY mistress. :)


Anonymous said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE Kelly Clarkson, she never disapoints!! Her performance was great like always!! Love how she sounds live. :o)


Jere Keys said...

I'm pretty sure that's an Australian accent, but whatevs.

Not impressed by any of the so-called divas on this year's roster. I agree with Polt.

hoteltuesday said...

Polt/Jere: Not even Kelly?!? I think she's an amazing singer! And she fought with Clive Davis, aka is a diva! Leona has the voice to be a diva, but not the emotion. Adele has both, but is pretty young for being a diva. She only has one CD and I don't think that's enough experience. And Miley is only there to provide the fun. lol.

Jere: Good catch! Fixed.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Next year: P!nk, T. Swift, [Super]Mercado, Katy Perry [only if she singz "Thinking Of You," and M. Branch [only if her next album isn't the epitome of sucky disappointment].

john said...

I'm with Jere and Polt, not a diva in sight. Kelly has the potential, but it will take a while before she is one.

Polt: I remember that scene with Aretha. I also remember that they wanted Carole King to start "You Make Me Feel Like) A Natual Woman" and Aretha was having none of that.