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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

No Boundariez: If We Were A Movie

See part 1 here.

After weeks minutes of discussing Joshrico’s impending fame, manager Michelle contacted her favorite clients with a new research assignment.

So Enrico rolled out of bed and ate 15 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch so he’d have energy for hob-knobbing with all the celebrities he would undoubtedly become good friends with. Then he hopped on a plane to NYC with a dream and his cardigan. 

After hours of crying and harassing strangers, Enrico finally learned how to ride the subway and arrived at the movie premiere to rendezvous with Michelle’s movie industry insider, Senor F Dot.

Senor F Dot gave Enrico a ticket to see the Oscar-nominated movie event of the decade, Drag Me To Hell, Precious. Enrico ran to the red carpet and got ready to meet his future BFFs, Gabourey Sidibe, MC, Mo'Nique and Joanne.

Meanwhile, Josh attended as many auditions as he could for bit roles. But after being rejected in bit roles in such scripted television shows as Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, and The Hills, he walked home defeated. While he wallowed in sweet misery, contemplating summer twilights that took forevz to get rid of and the fact that in another country, peepz die, he thought about his life. But before he could make it back to his casa [read as: cardboard box on the street corner] and drown himself in tear-laced mac'n'cheese (feat. tuna), he saw something interesting....

Josh approached the bulletin board and amid the various fliers for dog walkers, demonbabysitters, and d.i.n.o.s.a.u.r eyelids (?!), he saw his big chance.

Meanwhile, Enrico eagerly awaited the arrival of the limousine that would spew forth his new friends who would get him casted in a role he'd have to 'go ugly for' [aka don't wear make-up a la Mariah or get fat(ter) a la J-Hud], immediately launching him into superstardom. There, he would impress the world with his ability to collect awards despite being under-qualified (see Sandra Butthole Bullock).

Finally, a limo pulled up and out came....

GABOUREY SIDIBE (NOT feat. buckets o' chicken)! Enrico was only a few feet away from one of Hollywood's greatest new actresses! He knew it was his chance to start networking! He started barfing out quotes from the film, hoping to impress Ms. Sidibe. When that didn't work, he began promising her that he'd get her a spot in "one of dem B.E.T. videos."

Unfortunately, the security guards were not as keen on the idea of Gabby and Enrico being BFFs and he was escorted from the red carpet before he could slip Gabby his number....

But he still got to watch the movie. During the screening, he tried to get the attention of the star-studded cast sitting only rows in front of him by throwing his shoes at their heads and barking at them, but when the security guards gave him unfriendly death stares, he quieted down.

After the movie, the cast came onstage to feign gratitude graciously thank everyone...

And Enrico could swear he saw Gabby looking at him.....

Enrico left the theatre without making any connections. But at least he saw a great film and got to watch the movie with some of his favorite celebs in the same room!

He walked to Penn Station feeling only a little sad when all of a sudden boiz starting blowing up his phone (phone). Well actually, it was only one boy. After the excited screaming monster on the other end calmed down enough, he gave Enrico the good news...

TO BE CONTINUED

Special thanks to FDot for being our connection to the movie industry and getting me into the premiere!

29 comments:

Polt said...

An FDot cameo! Awesomeness! And I want Michelle M. to be MY agent too...even though I don't really wanna be famous.

"Threw his shoes and barked at them"...I can't really see this as being a normal Enrico reaction...but it's funny to imagine nonetheless. :)

HUGS...

Jere Keys said...

That seems like so long ago.

Craig said...

Awesome! You guys are totally Supahstahs!

Tam said...

The road to fame and fortune has begun but you're both waaaaay cuter than the sparkly vampire dude. Can't wait to see what happen s next.

Ryan said...

If this wasn't Enrico's blog, I would have the feeling that josherz got them roles in a Twilight-based p0rnz.

john said...

We need more close ups of Enrcio. And can someone explain the appeal of Robert Pattinson? Seems like an awful lot of greasy hair.

Ryan said...

john: I don't understand it myself, but from what people have told me, I think that he is entirely the beneficiary of people transferring their feelings about Edward onto him. As long as he looks good to pass if you squint, it works for them.

Justin said...

Geez, Tam, calling somebody "waaaay cuter" than the vomit-inducing white pasty chalk-faced ginge which is Robert Pattinson is a pretty back-handed compliment :P Josh & Enrico actually *ARE* cute, as opposed to vomit-bucket. John, there *is* no appeal. *barf*

Ryan, I think you're right, but I don't understand why anybody *has* feelings for Edward. He's a creepy, controlling stalker. Yeesh.

Jere -- "this" seems like so long ago? You were there when Enrico threw shoes? :-)

Ryan said...

Justin: There is a reason some high school teachers have incorporated the books into the abusive relationship curriculum.

Jere Keys said...

Justin - hanging out in front of that press line was the first time I ever met Enrico in person.

Jere Keys said...

...Although the events depicted in this adventure happened after I left to go work on a big writing assignment. Much like now. So I didn't see any of the supahstahs (other than Enrico).

hoteltuesday said...

Polt: Michelle M. should be everyone's agent! Wait til you see the magic she works on us :)

Jere: Wasn't it?! That was before Precious got all those award nominations!

Craig: Thanks. And not yet... but soon.

Tam: Aww thanks! So many of my friends love R Pats and I don't get it!

Ryan: ...... HAHA! Wait 'til you see what we get ourselves into in the next few editions.

john: OMG you're right! I'm not in this entry enough. And Ryan is exactly right about Robert -- girls think he's Edward.

Justin: Geez, everyone thinks I'm cute! Thanks everyone... lol.

Adam said...

Hey ... Clint Eastwood is a great director!

Chris D. said...

It is neat to see the cameos. It seems that this blog project has been in the works for a LONG time. I am glad that we finally get to enjoy it!

We are lucky that Enrico and Josh share their cuteness and talent with us. :)

Nathan V said...

Whoa! Lady Gaga does not deserve to be in that part of the Venn diagram. Say what you will about her songs, but she writes them, she can sing, and she has carved out a hell of a niche for herself in the fashion industry. A fashion icon, some would say. Whether you like her or not, gurl haz the skillz to pay the billz. Mad talent.

Justin said...

Nathan V -- According to Joshrico, I think they would hate her less if she took herself less seriously. I actually don't think she takes herself as seriously as they say she does, but this is something upon which reasonable blog-post-commenters (aka "dancing monkeys") disagree on :-)

Ryan -- are you serious?!?!?!?! Because that would be totally appropriate. When I watched Twilight (the first movie) -- and via NetFlix I hasten to add, not in the cinemas -- at first I was just laughing. It was such a hilarious depiction of oh-so-serious teenage angst. My favourite part was when Bella's voice-over said:

"I knew three things. 1. Edward was a vampire. 2. Part of him would always hunger for my blood. 3. I was irrevocably in love with him."

**IRREVOCABLY** !!! Only a 16-year-old thinks an infatuation is "irrevocable". (Ok, probably a lot of people older than that think so too, but when a 16-year-old says it, it's funny; when somebody much older than that says it, it starts getting creepy and sad.)

But as the movie went on, I got more and more and more disturbed and less amused.

Edward stalks her to where she's shopping with her friends, separates her from her friends, and says he will take her to dinner and drive her home. Her friends think this is cool and cute. I thought it was appalling.

He watches her in her bedroom.

He starts separating her from other boys at school, physically interposing himself between them. And then slowly escalates to separating her from even her girlfriends.

He decides suddenly that she must leave her father and friends and not even say goodbye because only he can take care of her and he plans to take her away. She complies without a moment's hesitation.

When he talks about leaving her, she tells him never to say that again and that she would rather die than have him do that.

If this wasn't a vampire movie, it would *definitely* be seen as one of the most disturbing stalker/enabler stories ever made. Relationships like this REALLY EXIST IN REAL LIFE!

hoteltuesday said...

Adam: You know we love throwing out random names! First Babz, now Clint.

Chris D: Right?! It has been in the works for a while. Glad we're getting it out now.

Nathan V.: Umm... you may want to direct your comment at Michelle M., who is the one who made that photo. And besides, don't you see the VERY fine print beneath "Talented"!? It says "Being able to stay in key during your concerts." Tell Gaga to do that and maybe she'll be under the heading. Oh, and wearing crazy clothes to get people's attention doesn't make you talented btw. It's smart, not talented.

Justin: Thanks for ruining the whole movie!! And that "irrevocably" line is famous for being bad.
Have you heard of 'Nightlight,' the Twilight parody? It makes fun of that line. "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."

Ryan said...

Justin: Around the time New Moon came out, Google Reader's recommended items started having items applying abusive relationship checklists to Edward, and every item applied. One of them had comments from high school teachers about their dismay that their students were reading this.

I decided on the name of the Twilight-based p0rnz josherico are auditioning for: Twinklight.

Apparently, I wasn't the first to think of that:
http://www.twinklightthemovie.com/

Justin said...

Enrico. I will check out Nightlight. I've already been reading http://www.patricialadd.com/2009/07/twilight-for-people-who-dont-want-to-read-twilight/ (which really *does* ruin the movie).

Ryan. Rofl. Copterz Skaterz. Lolz. That idea. The fact that you *thought* of that idea. The fact that you weren't the *first* to think of that idea.

Does Enrico really count as a twink, though? He's awfully bushy.

Ryan said...

Justin: Twilight being one word constrains the possibilities, and Twi + gay/sex has only one obvious match.

Thinking about it more while writing this post, I think Twinknight would be another option, although it strays a bit from the sense of the original word. Unlike Twinklight, it does not exist yet. However, an anime called Twin Knight apparently does, which indicates people might think it is about Medieval incest rather than emotionally abusive vampires.

Ray Avito said...

An Enrico/Josh/Michelle serial adventure! I like, it's almost like having "Matinee at the Bijou" back.

Justin said...

Let me just say ....

Joshrico's utter and complete disregard for our feelings, by refusing to comment with shock and horror and dismay at the idea that they should star (or have starred) in a twink-vampire pr0n film (an idea which I give full credit to Ryan for) is highly disappointing to me on so many levels.

Count me as a very sad Puntabuperv right about now. :P

I think I'm going to have to go listen to a lot of Lady Gaga as a protest....

Michelle M. said...

How cute/funny/smart/talented/wonderful/perfect are my boys!?! I simply can't believe they are not Superstars by now. Soon...

Re: the Venn diagram - opinions expressed are those of joshrico and do not necessarily reflect the views of Michelle M., supermanager.

Michelle M. said...

Oh yeah - and in my opinion Robert Pattison looks like someone smashed his face in.

Anonymous said...

The Robert Pattison part is so funny because my friend Tina swears Enrico looks like him!! :o)
lol

Talita/Tj

hoteltuesday said...

Ryan: Lol at "Twin Knight." And you're right about "Twinknight" seeming kind of removed from the source.

Ray: Is that a show from the 80s or something??

Justin: I think we're used to our reader's.... umm... constant discussion of immoral behavior. So we're not shocked at all that this would be suggested.

Michelle: Lol! I always thought the shape of his face was weird! There are very few pix where I find him attractive. But most of the time, he does just look smashed.

TJ: WHAT?! I don't look like him at all. Random.

Ryan said...

I now want to see a sitcom called Twin Knights where everyone considers Enrico and Josh to be twins despite different looks, ages, and parents. There would be one character who they just met who constantly tries to explain to everyone that Enrico and Josh cannot possibly be twins, to no effect.

Justin: I just realized that I screwed up the subjunctive in my first reply.

David said...

Hmmmmmm, that bookcase to the left and the picture on the wall behind Josh in that last photo looks sooooooo familiar.

Hmmmmmm.

Oh, and I totally get points for recognizing the Miley Cyrus, Ke$ha AND Catie Rosemugy references.

Delisa said...

Currently catching up on your blog... I did not realize that Geoffrey Fletcher was there until now! I could've mentioned seeing him at the premiere and then he would have given me his contact info and I could've forwarded it along to you and Josh. Now that he's an Oscar winner it would've been an easy entry into the business.... Oh how cruel fate can be!