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Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Hanes His Way

Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for...

An extremely exciting blog post about my underwear!

So last week I was home for winter break. I only expected to be home for a short period of time (I didn't even bring Richard Parker with me!) so I only packed a limited amount of clothing. And somehow, I packed more shirts and socks than underwear! I found myself needing some underwear so I ran to the nearest expensive designer store to spend hundreds on a few pairs of underwear.

After browsing, I found the cheapest underwear in the store. They were Hanes underwear, tw0 pairs for $5.99. UMMM... $6 for TWO pairs of underwears?!?! This didn't seem right to me so I kept searching and searching. But among the Armani and 2xist underwear, the Hanes were the cheapest. So I went to pay... but then I saw another wall of underwear!

However, as I approached the display I realized that I was in the kid's section of the store. Still, I am always looking for a discount so I looked at the back of the men's underwear package I was holding to check the size chart.

I flipped over a kid's package and GUESS WHAT I FOUND?!

Yup, a men's S is for a 28 waist and SO IS A KID'S XL!!!!!!! So why is this important?!
Because the kid's package came with THREE pairs of underoons and was only $4.99. A DOLLAR LESS?! A PAIR MORE?! Yes, please!

I cartwheeled over to the register and purchased my cheap underwear then used that extra dollar to purchase a delicious sweet tea from McDonalds. What a glorious day.

44 comments:

that's J-O-S-H said...

One of the benefitz of being as emaciated as us is that we're able to shop in the children's clothing section! I can rarely find my size (S or <28 inch waist) in the men's section, yet when I sashay on over to the little peepz aisle, I'm in heaven!

Now it's time for my lunch break where I will eat a cracker generously slathered in air!

Mel said...

Chut uh, you skinny boyz! Even if I were emaciated, I couldn't wear anything that teeny.

bourgtai said...

@J-O-S-H You may want to be careful about using the phrase "when I sashay on over to the little peepz aisle, I'm in heaven!" Just sayin'.

@Enrico Target sells 5-packs of rather sexy skivvies under the Merona label for $10. That's a savings of $1 per pair.

Delisa said...

hmm... this revelation gives me an idea. Maybe I should take a walk over the the peen section and get me some underoos akin to the American Apparel style for way cheaper...

Delisa said...

Exhibit A: http://www.americanapparel.com/4415w.html?cid=1042

that's J-O-S-H said...

BurgerTown: Ugh...sick! Everyone who knows me is well aware that I prefer older gentleman instead of toddlers! Babiez play wiff toys. Pepawz play wiff me! Well...one in partix.

Eternal Lizdom said...

Does this mean that you can wear cool Spiderman and Hulk and other cartoon character underwear?? Sah-weet!!

M. Nicodemus said...

I too have to buy stuff in the little peeps department, especially socks 'cause they just don't make "adult" socks to fit my dainty size 8.5 feet.

Garret of Jim and Garret said...

Hmmmmm, I'm looking at this blog post and thinking what a lovely way to brag about your waist size. Hmph. Jealous party of one. If I had been shopping with you, I would have screamed "pedophile" at the top of my lungs.

Nick-Nifty said...

where are the pictures of you in your little boys underoos?

Tam said...

Umm. Isn't there less room for the junk in a kid's size? I know you've mentioned your endowment on occassion and I'd hate to have you lose circulation with too tight undies. Just askin'.

Justin said...

Ahhh, and once again, a Joshrico/Puntabulous/etc. blog comment thread segues into filth *almost* by the first comment :-)

@bourgtai - "Merona label"? "sexy skivvies"? Good GOD man are you GAY or something?

@Delisa - I can't wait for Macy's and Bloomingdales to rename the Menswear section "PEEN SECTION". So much easier to spell.

@Eternal Lizom - that would be cute. Even cuter would be the easter bunny pyjamas with feet à la Christmas Story. :-)

@Garret - ugh ... TELL me about it :-)

@Nick - well, Josherz *IS* trying to increase traffic to his blog ...

@Tam - "junk" - "endowment" - yes, once again, I know I'm in the right blog comments section :-) *chuckle*

hoteltuesday said...

Josh: Slathered in air?!?! LULZ. I love us.

Mel: I'm more worried about saving money than being skinny.

bourgtai: What is Merona? Just like my baby, I dress myself in only brand names. And if I can't afford it...

Delisa: Those are cute! And since we share clothes, we can just buy a bunch and share them... lol. Jk.

Eternal Lizdom: Didn't even think of that! I can probz find some Avatar: the Last Airbender underwear or something! I wish they made Cow and Chicken underwear...

M. Nico: I didn't even think about socks! But isn't 8.5 kind of normal for guys? I'm a 10 and 8.5 isn't that much smaller, right?

Garret: You get +10 points for discovering the true point of this post!

Nick-Nifty: They don't exist!! Except for in your mind maybe.

Tam: Nah, they fit like men's small. Kids these days...

Justin: You commented on everyone else's comment and didn't even leave your own! I guess you were so inspired by my wonderful story that you were at a loss for words.

Polt said...

Best not have TOO much of that McDonald's Sweet tea, or you might not be able to fit into those new underooz.

Lizdom: They make those nifty superhero underwear in a adult sizes now. Or so I've seen in photos on the interwebs. Not that I've actually purchased anything like said underwear. nope, not me.

HUGS...

Justin said...

Enriquiterz: Noooo it's just that by the time I got here, all the creative and funny things to be said about your post had already been said. :-(

Polt -- I doubt that any amount of Sweet Tea is going to make those Joshrico waistlines widen. And, no, SUUUUUUUuuuUUUUUuuure you haven't.

john said...

I've said it before and I will say it again, no adult male should have a waist smaller than 30", it just isn't right.

The Mrs. buys clothes in the kids section all the time, especially socks (size 5) and we got a coat $50 cheaper because it was a girl's large vs. a petite small.

hoteltuesday said...

ALL THE CREATIVE AND FUNNY THINGS HAVE BEEN SAID?!?! Are you calling my post boring!? >:O

Dave2 said...

Wait, does this work for condoms too?

Not that this would in any way apply to me, but some people... some unfortunate people who are not me... might find it handy to know that an XL child's condom is the same size as an adult S condom.

Jere Keys said...

There's another option when you're short on cash and undies, go commando!

Michelle M. said...

Regarding Dave 2's comment: I think Justin spoke too soon.

Justin said...

Boo! I thought I had left a follow-up comment but there is no such comment here! Now I have to reconstruct it all from memory.

Hm. First off: John. If you're going to impugn the adult male manliness of the Joshricomorph, then you should come clean about your own waist size. Perhaps your confession will elicit a "no adult male should have a waist size THAT BIG" comment. (I know a confession from me on that score would.)

Dave2: ewwwWWWWWWWWWW[draws breath]WWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwww!!!!!
!!!

eww

Jere: those of us who haven't developed calouses on our naughty bits from overuse find commando style to be a bit chafing, thankyouverymuch ;-)

Michelle -- apparently SO ...

Enrikopterz: No I'm not calling your post boring. I'm saying that I am less creative and funny than your other commenters. See? You've exposed my secret shame!!! (*runs off bawling*)

hoteltuesday said...

Dave2: Umm... do they make condoms for boys? Actually, with the way kids are these days, I wouldn't doubt it...

Jere: I only wear jeans! Who wants to go commando in jeans?

Michelle M.: Exactly :)

Justin: Yeah, yeah. Nice cover.

Jere Keys said...

Going commando is easy if you stick to soft and broken-in jeans and button-fly. Fun, too.

that's J-O-S-H said...

COMMANDO?! Enrico isn't easy like Sunday morning! He don't want no freebiez in the limousine (that's not what it's about!)!

Nathan V said...

I have a friend who buys all of his clubbing t-shirts from the GIRLS section of the Kids Gap. They say "Princess" with sparkly rainbows and such.

Craig said...

Yay for shopping in the kids section! In college when I was all emaciated and shiz, my "going out" shirt was from the kids section. It fit me nice and snuggly and made me all cute and stuff.

Polt said...

Christ, all you skinny people wearing kids clothes....I haven't worn anything from the kdis section since I was...oh, I don't know...BORN!!!

HUGS...

hoteltuesday said...

Josh: And I'm not like most girls either.

Nathan: We all know "my friend" is self-referential...

Craig: That reminds me of when David borrows Claire's shirt to go out. haha.

Polt: You must have been a big baby! When I was born I worn baby clothes, not clothes from the kids section!

David said...

Some of us pepawz can also fit into kidz clothes. Well, the XL underwear at least. But I don't like Hanes. Boring/snore.

And I can report that Josh indeed plays well with others...one other in partix.

Dave2 ftw.

And I have to agree with Jere. Sometimes it just feels good to go commando. And that has nothing to do with freebies in the limo. Underoos or no, I keep it zipped up.

BOSSY said...

Bossy wishes she could do cartwheels. Were you saying something about underwear?

Chris D. said...

Wow, your comments section is exploding! Apparently everyone is interested in your underwear. ;)

Now at least you can brag about wearing XL underwear because... well you know, you need more room. ;)

john said...

Justin: I wasn't saying that Josh and Enrico are less manly due to their waist size, just that a 28" waist isn't right. They are perfectly manly enough.

As for my waist, having lost 50lbs recently, I am down to a 34" waist. The scary thing is that my thigh at 27", as I have said before, is nearly as big as Josh's waist. Gotta love genetics.

Jere: Commando? NEVER. A place for everything and everything in its place.

that's J-O-S-H said...

David: Nope! Sorry! It's disgusting and not hygienic and alludes to promiscuous behavior. Sick. People should love each other and not be cheap slutz. WhY iS EnRiCo tHe OnLy OtHeR gAy GuY tHaT ApPrEcIaTeS NOT bEiNg A SlUt MeSs?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

And David is sitting over my shoulder right now and is trying to sass me and it's rude and I want EVERYONE to know that we are having our FIRST FIGHT over the hideously atrocious act of goin' "commando."

(for those wiffout a sense of humor, I'm kidding. We aren't actually fighterjetting right now.)

hoteltuesday said...

A BOSSY COMMENT?! I feel so honored.

David: Maybe after a shower and you put on pajama pants... and no one will see you all night. But not out, walking about and living life! Show offs are dummies.

Chris D.: No one cares about my underwear. I'm just such a great blogger that now I get lots of comments.

john: 50 lbs?! Congrats!!

Josh: I thought your first fight was over David not knowing the lyrics to "Mean"?? (Which is why you gave him the CD and forced him to memorize all the lyricz!)

Nathan V said...

Ha! Tragically (?), I do not fit into the clothes at the Kid's Gap.

Congrats John!

Craig said...

Who are David and Claire?

hoteltuesday said...

Craig: They're characters from Six Feet Under. I hear that's the next series you wanna watch?! Good choice!

Tam said...

But you're "Tragically Hip" Nathan. (Pointless Canadian pop culture reference thrown in.)

Craig said...

Oh right, how could I be so silly? It's on the list!

that's J-O-S-H said...

Tam: I helped work on the publicity campaign for their latest cd!!!

Tam said...

Wow, that's cool Josh. You are this close )( to being totally famous, in my mind anyway. :-)

Justin said...

John - congratulations! When I lost 42 pounds in 2008, I think I managed to get down to a waist size of 36. Unfortunately I gained 35 of those lb back. :P

Josh - you know that Enrico isn't "tHe OnLy OtHeR gAy GuY tHaT ApPrEcIaTeS NOT bEiNg A SlUt MeSs". Chris D is famous for it, I'm the same way, David Musselwhite too, and even Dave S says on his Grindr profile that he's "not into the hook-up thing", according to his blog. And I know other gay guys in your general age class over twitter who are non-sluts, too. :-)

hmwhat said...

SO SMART.

I always thought about this but never took the time to go over to the boy's section and compare the sizes in fear that someone would think I'm a pedophile or something. Not that you're a pedophile or anything. Okay...

I have an underwear fetish anyway. I don't need any more.

Ray Avito said...

Commando=slutsville? Wow, maybe I am Trashy. All my pants are baggy (with the exception of the skinny jeans gifted to me where underwear are mandatory) so my lack of underwear isn't noticeable.

28 waist?!**envious/invidioso** I'm not aware of an Enrico-ism for Mad Envy, one should be created.