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Sunday, October 25, 2009

Wait 'Til You See My Horn

Posts about my childhood are often funny or light-hearted. But now, I am going to share one of my most terrifying and scarring memories!

So one day when I was in like 5th grade, I was walking home from the bus stop, just minding my business.

My bus stop was about ten blocks away from my house. The walk was short and usually uneventful. I usually just sang as I walked (Maria Mena and Michelle Branch mostly).

But one day, when I was on my street and only a few short blocks away from home, I was stopped by some old man. And my life was forever changed.

I didn't know exactly what this creepy man meant by wanting to 'see my horn' but I had an idea!

So I was out!

The man yelled after me, asking me return to his lair casa to unveil my horn. He even ran after me for a block or two! I was running down the street, swinging my heavy backpack, and having a heart attack.

I ran into my house and straight into the arms of my mother. I told her that some hombre viejo wanted to see my horn. She was not pleased.

I calmed her down and eventually she put away her gun and grabbed the phone.

We waited approx. 30 hours (how many kids had the man kidnapped in that time?!) and then finally the cop arrived.

I remember I didn't want to talk to the cop so my mom had to drag me to hell outside to talk to him. She told me that cops are there to help you.... Yeah, right.

So the cop went over to the man's house and interrogated him.

The cop came back to my house to report his findings and hear my side of the story.

And that was the end of that! That cop spent .2 hours investigating and then assumed I was lying or something. Jeez.
(About a decade later, a friend of this cop gave me my first speeding ticket, cementing my belief that all cops are dummies.)

Anyway, from then on I took an alternate route home. To this day, whenever I pass that dude's house, I wonder if he's inside and I get a little nervous.

And I still wonder exactly what he meant when he asked to see my horn....


Jere Keys said...

I'm sorry the scary old perv wanted to see your peen. On a related topic, when are you coming to Nueva again for our McDonalds pumpkin pie date?

Ryan said...

But you have no problem with showing of your 'horn' to unsuspecting mail ladies?

that's J-O-S-H said...

Boy George starring as the dirrty perveroni is right on. I couldn't think of one other person to use...except for maybe Polt. :)

Adam said...

Are you saying that Carl Winslow wasn't a good cop?! My childhood is also now ruined! :(

Tam said...

Well, that was traumatic. I can understand the creep-out factor of his house. As a Mom I'd want to take my (imaginary) gun over there and shoot him in the face. Grrrr. Hugs.

dcm said...

Eww, old guys are creeeepy. My only remotely similar encounter happened at a park downtown (that I'm now aware is heavily used for cruising.) I was maybe 5 and had to use the bathroom. I did my business and came out to tell my mom that someone was watching through a hole in the wall. This prompted my stepfather picking up a cinder block and dropping it into the dude's stall, apparently knocking him out. Looking back now I realize that my stepdad was responding more to his own homophobia than to any threat to me, and I wonder if he would've done the same thing now that I'm a homo in his immediate family.

Eternal Lizdom said...

Maybe he wanted you to show him some porn. Not really a much better option than the horn comment, though. The cop might have been more inspired to take action if it was porn...

Anonymous said...

I remember this!! haha!!
Next you need to blog about the guy who
wanted to take pictures of you!! :o)

Polt said...

Sassy josh: I SO wouldn't have been a good person to use for this story! I mean, come ON, I can come up with a MUCH better opening line that wanting to see your horn! Sheesh...what an amateur. :)

Sorry this happened, Enrickyricardo, but glad you survived the experience.


Craig said...

Only you could make such a scary story so funny. Loved every bit of it! Especially Mr Winslow!

David said...

Do you always look like a shirtless Shia LeBeouf when you jog? If so, they have some lovely parks here in Brooklyn that you should try.

Chris D. said...

It pains me to know that children face these dangers on a regular basis. Despite the fright, you were relatively lucky. These situations can end much worse. While the police officer may not have been able to make an arrest in your situation, at least the authorities were made aware of this guy's issues. His brush with the law may also have deterred him from future inappropriate advances.

I am glad that you are OK, and were able to work through the fear. Thank you for sharing your story. You have inspired me to share a challenging story from my youth on my blog in the future.

Delisa said...

That's some serious stranger danger. My big brother had close stranger danger situation with a neighbor who was... overly friendly to just him. My mom banned him from talking to him or taking anymore of his video games. He soon moved off the street.

I'm glad you knew what to do in that situation. I'd probably be that mom with the (literal) gun. But now you're safe and warm in my bed. :~)

Xi_Heather said...

I dunno -- is there anything not creepy about either option? I think it's just as well that you avoided the house.

I think your mom is great, though!

hoteltuesday said...

Jere: How's Friday? :)

Ryan: This man didn't want to see it accidentally. He wanted to molest me. That's different.

Josh: Polt wouldn't ask some random kid to see his horn. I think he sees enough horn without having to resort to that. lol.

Tam: He was so old at the time and it's been so many years, that I probz shouldn't fear his house. He might be dead and if not, he probably isn't strong enough to chase me. Still...

dcm: Ai-ya! That's much creepier. CINDERBLOCK? Sheesh. You have a harsh stepfather.

Eternal Lizdom: I don't think anything would inspire that cop... expect for the sight of me speeding! Then I'd get a ticket of course.

TJ: I forgot about that!! lol. Yeah, maybe I will.

Polt: LOL! I didn't use you because I knew you would be more original than that. Don't worry.

Craig: You commented on my blog?! ARE YOU OK?!

David: Yes. But I don't jog and don't go shirtless. Sorry.

Chris: I look forward to that entry... and your Stripped review!

Delisa: Now I'm safe and warm in your bed.... for 6 days in a row. lol.

Xi_Heather: Yeah, both are weird. And I swear I didn't anyone horn playing... I would have hummed along if I had! And yeah, I think my mom is great too.

Michelle M. said...

I'm with Tam (as usual). Except for the gun and the face part. I would have aimed a lot lower.

Anonymous said...

Oh i am most forgot about this story. You should have looked on line to see if he was listed under magans law. Anyway he picked the wrong kids horn to see, little does he know you don't show you horn to ANYBODY.


goblinbox said...

Being chased two blocks by an old creepy perv is terrifying.

I probably would have wet myself. Because when I was ten, wettng myself was my superhero power.

Anonymous said...

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